The Struggle…

You struggle. Each day, every day. With people around you, near and dear to you.
The struggle is about everyday and everything.
The struggle is about basic little things like having to justify liking a cup of coffee because?
The struggle is to whether or not stay hidden in a cocoon.
The struggle is about letting you be.
The struggle is about liking your loneliness.
The struggle the about breaking free.
The struggle is whether or not to accept the freedom.
The struggle is about understanding what freedom really means.
The struggle is about proving yourself that you are worth it.
The struggle is to prove that you belong.
The struggle is about existing.
The struggle is to prove your existence.
The struggle is about proving to the world that you mean something.
The struggle is about your relevance. Mostly to yourself.
The struggle is real.
The struggle is meaningless.
The struggle is inside you.
The struggle is by you, for you.
Stop the struggle, to breathe and to live.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Being Friends Forever…

Jacqueline and Isabella lived in a very nice neighbourhood in Boston, Massachusetts in the US. They stayed in each other’s vicinity, just a block away from each other. Jackie had a younger brother called John, while Ella had an elder brother called Jacob. Both girls weren’t really fond of each other. However, for the lack of company and anyone to play with, they played with each other through their childhood. Their common places to play would be the backyards or front-yards of their houses or the nearby park.

Jackie was strong headed, arrogant and self-obsessed while Ella was soft and introverted. She also looked fragile while Jackie was healthy and plump. The only reason they could get along together was that they were of the same age. Jackie was just a month older than Ella. They had been the best of friends from the moment they set eyes on each other. But they were friends who played together every day. Jackie would usually lead the games they played, the places they went to, or even whether they played or not and Ella would usually give into her plans. She wasn’t much of a leader then and would always prefer to give in instead of arguing.

It was all going fine when one day suddenly, they had this huge fight on some silly reason. They had a new girl on the block and Ella started to play with her as well. That meant less time for Jackie to dictate her. Jackie was very upset and told Ella to not play with her. But Ella started to like it more with the new girl and started playing with her more often than with Jackie. Jackie picked up a fight with the new girl and Ella stood by the new girl and against Jackie, which infuriated her even further. After that day, even when both of them passed each other, they never spoke to each other or even looked at each other. They were also not in the same school which worked in their favour of not crossing each other.

Many years passed without them seeing each other in the eye and one fine day, Ella’s parents decided to put her in a different school. This was the same where Jackie went. At first, they continued not talking to each other, until they were partnered on a project. They forgot everything about their fight in the past and became friends again. This worked out for them and they started hanging out again. They were in their teens by this time so they bonded over a lot of things like music, boyfriends, girlfriends, ambitions, and so on. Ella was starting to open up in her teens more. She had started to voice her opinions, while Jackie became less overpowering. They stuck together in high school as well. But soon, it was time for both of them to go to college. They were different people, so their choices were different too.

The two friends went into a different world altogether in college. Their connection broke again. In the meantime, Ella lost her elder brother Jacob in a car accident. She was really close to him and was really broken. She kept to herself, didn’t go out much, didn’t have many friends. Jackie, on the other hand, was trying every piece of new thing coming her way. She was being adventurous and friends with her new college buddies. They were again poles apart. Ella however, had started to become a little harsh by keeping to herself. She didn’t fancy talking to people anymore or being nice to them as she used to. She had become a completely different version of her.

Jacqueline and Isabella had become new versions of themselves and one fine day, their paths crossed. Jackie heard someone arguing smartly with a shopkeeper who tried to steal from an old lady. The voice sounded familiar and she was surprised to see Ella. “Ella, is that you?”, Jackie asked her. Hearing her name, Ella turned to her and instantly recognized Jackie. They then told off the shopkeeper together and headed out for a cup of coffee. Ella told her about Jacob and Jackie felt sorry for her friend. They promised to keep in touch. They were inseparable again. This time they remained connected. They both taught each other different ways from their different worlds. Jackie showed Ella her outwardly ways and also called her in for her adventures, while Ella taught her to be calmer and a better version of herself. Ella had become matured after Jacob’s death as her family now considered her to be the elder in the house. They were each other’s support systems. They didn’t need anyone else when they were together. Ella kept Jackie grounded while Jackie brought Ella’s adventure instincts out. Together Jacqueline and Isabella were the best of friends. Jackie was still more possessive about Ella. She wanted Ella to be all to herself but now she was a matured version of herself. Ella also knew this and tried to give in to certain things which Jackie expected. She would always let Jackie have her way just like she did in their childhood.

Once out of college, both of the girls had to move out for a job. This time there was nothing keeping them away from each other as their bond had become very strong. Irrespective of being in different cities, they would call each other every day and meet almost every weekend. They would also take turns in visiting each other’s parents if the other couldn’t make it. They were like this one big happy family. The day Ella got married, Jackie cried the most. Ella cried looking at no one but Jackie. They knew their lives were going to change, but they also knew that their relationship was stronger than needing any reason to exist in each other’s lives.

Their lives went on and they always stayed connected. Two girls who started to be together because they didn’t have an option, didn’t have an option to separate from each other as destiny had their lives intertwined. Jacqueline and Isabella are still what we call friendship goals.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Understanding The Space…

“It’s gone”, she says.
“Did you check the drawer?” He asks, checking the cupboard.
“Yes.”, she says giving him a helpless look.
“It’s ok. We can get a new one.”
“How could I be so careless.”
“It’s ok honey, stop blaming yourself. We have checked everywhere. No point looking for it now.”

She sits down feeling terrible. He goes to her and tries to calm her down. It was something dear to him too. She rests her head on his shoulder and says, “I know you hate me right now. But trust me I had kept it very carefully.” He wraps his right hand around her and caresses her head with the left, smiling he says, “I know you must have. But sometimes, the things that we try and be too protective about, are the ones we tend to lose very easily. While keeping such things safe, we are very careful as to not lose them. We are very sure that they are safe and hence we don’t bother to check. We think it’s in the best interest. But sometimes, there are things that we cannot see. These are the ones we need to be careful about.”
“What do you mean?”, she asks.
Very patiently, he says, “You need to stop being overprotective and over conscious about things. Learn to let things be. Materialistic things are still very easy to get back, but with humans it becomes suffocating.”
“You really want to start with it again? Now?”, she gives him a very exasperated look and continues, “Things don’t have a mind of their own, but humans do. I wanted it to be safe, I want you to be safe.”
“Exactly what I’m trying to make you understand here, darling. You need to let things be for them to work. Humans have their own mind and know what is best for them. No human would want to hurt itself and hence, will be self protective. Try hurting yourself sometime. I’m sure you won’t even prick a pin to your finger, just because it will hurt.”, he tries explaining for the nth time. He knows she is just going through a rough phase and will soon be back to her normal self. No matter what, he will not give up on her.

“Fine. I won’t say a word from now on”, she says and pushes him away. He sits down on his knees in front of her, at the edge of the bed where she is sitting, turning her head away.
He says, “Everyone needs a breathing space, baby. You were never this way. You are just gone into a blame mode for no reason. Every situation is not the same. You need to look at the circumstances too. They are different. They will always be different. You cannot always relate one situation to another.”

She knew he was right. Since the moment her friend’s husband passed away due to a heart stroke, she had been protective and cautious with everything; mostly about him. She kept an eye on what he eats, what he drinks, what is his schedule of work and workout. But with all of this, she didn’t understand the change that she was going through. She was turning into a completely different person. She was becoming overprotective and over caring. More than they both could take, which led to misunderstandings and arguments. She was behaving like a wife, when they had promised each other that nothing will change between their friendship even after they get married. Unknowingly, she was becoming a control freak, which she had realized, when he had yelled at her once during an argument using those words. She had felt very bad and had silently walked into their room, shutting the door behind her. He had then come in after a while and tucked her in, kissing her forehead and sneaking in beside her, wrapping his arm around her. He whispered something before sleeping, which led her to revisit her recent behavior.

At this very moment, the man whom she loved so much was kneeling down before her, looking at her with all the care and love, smiling, trying to fill some sense into her and make her understand. They had always shared a very different rapport. They could understand what the other meant even without saying. And yet, here she was behaving like someone she could never imagine. She knew he loved her and would never give up on her. She turned her head, looking into her lap and held his hands in hers. Suddenly, she got up and pulled him up too. Looking into his eyes she said, lets get a new picture clicked. At once he knew that his old, fun-loving, understanding girlfriend-turned-wife is back. It took a little long, but they always shared this understanding.
He smiles and says, “I love you”. And she simply smiled, feeling as if she has just been woken up from a deep sleep.

You have my word…

When I say the word commitment, what’s the first thing that strikes your mind? Is it affection, relationship, a promise or may be even marriage. Very rarely do people give it a broad thought. Not just relationships, but commitment can be applicable for many other instances and at many different levels.

Different people have different definitions for this term. For some it’s dedication, it’s desire, some say it’s prioritization, for some it’s respect and for some it’s truth or trust. According to me, these are all just ways to follow or keep a commitment. Commitment is giving your word for something, it’s a bond, a promise. You can be committed to many different things, to many different people at many different levels at the same time. You could even be committed to yourself at many different levels, for that matter. Yes, of course you can commit to yourself, however bizarre that might sound.

It is definitely not a piece of cake. You are tested by fate at every level with patience, situations, truthfulness and sincerity. Sincerely fulfilling a commitment is indeed a testing fact of life. Not at all an easy choice but definitely a significant one. But do commitments change? I asked a few people around and trust me people do take commitments very seriously. At least in their words they do, you never know if they actually try to fulfill them or just give excuses for not being able to do that. Changing of commitments is not like changing of priorities. You commit to something, you fulfill it, or at least I feel so. Our priorities keep changing depending upon our commitments. Your work commitments, your personal commitments as well as your self commitments are different and have different level of importance given by you, yourself. But are you sure you have it all sorted? My point with all this is to know if you really do understand the difference and if you have achieved a balance with your commitments accordingly.

Like I said, every commitment for every other person holds a different level of significance. For some, their work commitments could be important and for some their personal commitments. The third option is often neglected by many. It depends how seriously we take them. If you have a commitment towards your work, it means you have to show results. But it also depends what all are you ready to do in order to achieve them. You may simply continue working and not make much of a difference, or take added steps to make your results different, prominent. The same goes with your personal commitments. You live your life, you feed your kids, you keep your husband and in-laws and even your parents happy. But do you really take an initiative to make that life a little more interesting or happier? Routine is not interesting. Your self commitments play a very important role with respect to all your commitments. If you cannot keep the promises you make to yourself, well, then you have a lot to catch up before you take big vows. Just doing your duty is not fulfilling your commitments. This term is a huge part of your life and it needs to be treated accordingly, given its due respect.

Now, over to a tougher question, when would you say you have broken a commitment?
You promise your 3 year old a chocolate once you return, but while pulling your car out of the parking lot, when the thought crossed your mind, even if you could go to the store on the way, you ignored it.

You have a plan with your fiancee, but your boss calls in for a last moment meeting, and rather than leaving a message or calling her to tell her that the plan has been postponed, you simply walk into that room and instead of wrapping up quick, you stay further. 

You have a client waiting for you but you have had a long tiring day. You call the meeting off just because you can’t take it anymore, ignoring the fact that the client has also adjusted the time for your meet and also has been through a lot.
That’s breaking a commitment. If you can’t take a hint there, I don’t know how else to explain this better.

Time, I always feel is your own personal property. You are the sole owner and you are the only one who decides what to do with it. You take it on a toll you take it for a ride, other elements are always going to be there to watch the show and give in their inputs. Sometimes you can’t really help it, and obviously your people understand. But you need to understand that your words are the only thing that can make a difference. Also, the way you put them through. All this is for the next time, anyway.

Commitments are not easily made nor easily broken. I should be rather using the word “shouldn’t”. They are different from promises and it’s high time people understand that. When you sign that bond you are tagged with the company, when you sign those marriage papers, you are committed for the lifetime. We can always wiggle our way out. But staying is what matters. Choose for yourself, your choice is going to make a difference for you.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

The Past Is Not All…

It’s a feeling of a lifetime when all the memories fall,
Just like the rising sun it just brightens the reminiscence of all.

Bringing the mind to a stance and the soul swinging over some trance,
The present seems aloof, the past is all dance.

Smiles and cries are all that we have got,
Regrets and anger really mean nothing any more, at all.

Hanging in the midst of this the world seems upside down,
Not to hang in too long, remember that’s all gone.

Future is the same delusion it is as fake as a droid,
It exists on the present connections, compliance and a void.

Make the right choicee fill just truth in the drums,
Brush and smile through the bygones, collecting the conscience, make that flying run.