It’s all about a little effort…

Taking people for granted is something that comes to us humans very naturally. In the times of our parents or our ancestors, people would care about others’ feelings, while today’s generation is more focused on keeping themselves happy. Our lives revolve around our careers, our people, and having fun. When I include our people, I mean they being around us and making us feel happy. But, what do we do to make sure they want to be in our lives? Do we put in any efforts to please them, to keep them happy, to make them feel wanted?

Being in a career oriented or a focused generation, we involve ourselves completely in pleasing our managers, our bosses, our seniors, and every soul who we think will ensure a boost in our career. We do this irrespective of being anyone, from a corporate employee to a businessman. Jahase munafa, waha pe focus aur efforts. While that’s our priority, the close ones in our lives are more of a support system. They are assumed to be “always there”. We expect them to rejoice our victories, alleviate our pain or failures, they are expected to always “understand”. Whether we do that in return is never thought about.

There’s not much that is needed. Only an attempt at putting in some minuscule efforts in making them feel they are a part of everything we do. If you say you do it, try recollecting the last time you said ‘I love you’ to your wife, or your mother, your children or even your father. It’s that basic. The smile that you get is priceless. It’s all about putting that conscious effort. And please don’t say that you do it on their birthdays or some special occasions. These days are a mandate and it’s a basic expectation that you need to make them feel special. But is that enough? What if you are fed a special dinner only on your birthday and the rest of the days you are made to eat daal chawal. Would that suffice? Wouldn’t you expect exciting food to be cooked over weekends? Many people crib about boring food cooked for dinner, saying after a long tiring day the least they expect is some good food. So, if you can’t deal with monotony every day and expect things to be done apart from your birthdays or special occasions, why can’t your loved ones expect you to shower some love every day?

They are supposed to understand our moods, our tiredness, our irritation and anger. But don’t you think the main reason they are in our lives is to make these feelings go away? Isn’t the reason we have them in our lives is to make us feel happy about our lives? Of course you need your space some times or rather most of the times. But shoving them away or yelling at them is not the solution. Or rather that’s the most stupid thing to do. Our generation is very low on patience. When they are trying to make an effort, we don’t return that effort. Instead we make it more difficult for them by being impatient and increase their irritation. Don’t forget, they have their own lives, their own irritations, their own problems that they are dealing with. Probably not letting you know about them inorder to not increase your stress. But do you do that too? Or do you tend to increase their irritation and stress? Share your problems, share your thoughts. That way they won’t be wondering what went wrong that you are not talking to them or what did they do to irritate you. The distance between two beds is the longest distance and it takes a lot to reduce this distance.

We take relationships very casually. Our parents are the most neglected people in our lives. Unfortunately, it’s too late by the time we understand this. Especially our fathers. They are always invisible. But when they are gone, we feel them the most. We think they are here to stay, but imagine a day when you had a fight with the person you love the most in your life, which you could have easily avoided by being a little patient and understanding. You still have that anger filled in your head with all the heated conversation so you don’t talk to each other. This loved one meets with an accident an dies. Can you imagine the feeling when you come to know the last thing you said to this person was so nasty, you could kill yourself for that? All your memories would be clouded just with that one thought. Imagine living with this hole in your heart. If you live each day with this feeling in your heart and the thought in your mind, you will start caring more. Better later than never right? Why don’t we start caring about our people from this moment on and say that we love them from the deepest corners of our heart? Do that little something that makes them happy and brings a smile on their faces. It’s all about putting that little effort. Try it?

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Understanding The Space…

“It’s gone”, she says.
“Did you check the drawer?” He asks, checking the cupboard.
“Yes.”, she says giving him a helpless look.
“It’s ok. We can get a new one.”
“How could I be so careless.”
“It’s ok honey, stop blaming yourself. We have checked everywhere. No point looking for it now.”

She sits down feeling terrible. He goes to her and tries to calm her down. It was something dear to him too. She rests her head on his shoulder and says, “I know you hate me right now. But trust me I had kept it very carefully.” He wraps his right hand around her and caresses her head with the left, smiling he says, “I know you must have. But sometimes, the things that we try and be too protective about, are the ones we tend to lose very easily. While keeping such things safe, we are very careful as to not lose them. We are very sure that they are safe and hence we don’t bother to check. We think it’s in the best interest. But sometimes, there are things that we cannot see. These are the ones we need to be careful about.”
“What do you mean?”, she asks.
Very patiently, he says, “You need to stop being overprotective and over conscious about things. Learn to let things be. Materialistic things are still very easy to get back, but with humans it becomes suffocating.”
“You really want to start with it again? Now?”, she gives him a very exasperated look and continues, “Things don’t have a mind of their own, but humans do. I wanted it to be safe, I want you to be safe.”
“Exactly what I’m trying to make you understand here, darling. You need to let things be for them to work. Humans have their own mind and know what is best for them. No human would want to hurt itself and hence, will be self protective. Try hurting yourself sometime. I’m sure you won’t even prick a pin to your finger, just because it will hurt.”, he tries explaining for the nth time. He knows she is just going through a rough phase and will soon be back to her normal self. No matter what, he will not give up on her.

“Fine. I won’t say a word from now on”, she says and pushes him away. He sits down on his knees in front of her, at the edge of the bed where she is sitting, turning her head away.
He says, “Everyone needs a breathing space, baby. You were never this way. You are just gone into a blame mode for no reason. Every situation is not the same. You need to look at the circumstances too. They are different. They will always be different. You cannot always relate one situation to another.”

She knew he was right. Since the moment her friend’s husband passed away due to a heart stroke, she had been protective and cautious with everything; mostly about him. She kept an eye on what he eats, what he drinks, what is his schedule of work and workout. But with all of this, she didn’t understand the change that she was going through. She was turning into a completely different person. She was becoming overprotective and over caring. More than they both could take, which led to misunderstandings and arguments. She was behaving like a wife, when they had promised each other that nothing will change between their friendship even after they get married. Unknowingly, she was becoming a control freak, which she had realized, when he had yelled at her once during an argument using those words. She had felt very bad and had silently walked into their room, shutting the door behind her. He had then come in after a while and tucked her in, kissing her forehead and sneaking in beside her, wrapping his arm around her. He whispered something before sleeping, which led her to revisit her recent behavior.

At this very moment, the man whom she loved so much was kneeling down before her, looking at her with all the care and love, smiling, trying to fill some sense into her and make her understand. They had always shared a very different rapport. They could understand what the other meant even without saying. And yet, here she was behaving like someone she could never imagine. She knew he loved her and would never give up on her. She turned her head, looking into her lap and held his hands in hers. Suddenly, she got up and pulled him up too. Looking into his eyes she said, lets get a new picture clicked. At once he knew that his old, fun-loving, understanding girlfriend-turned-wife is back. It took a little long, but they always shared this understanding.
He smiles and says, “I love you”. And she simply smiled, feeling as if she has just been woken up from a deep sleep.

The Cupid Plays…

She looked up at him and he gave his usual contented, mischievous smile. They knew it felt different. It felt as if it was just yesterday when they were fighting like cats and dogs in the middle of a street for he had dashed her car from behind. People don’t call them accidents for no reason. This was the most amazing accident she had met with in her life and was all proud of talking about it, whenever given a chance. Never in her life had she imagined a life with someone as caring, loving, and understanding. He would guess things, even before she spoke them out loud, and vice versa. They both knew it, they shared a connection. A different connection where nothing else mattered, something which they had from the moment they met but never really paid attention to. Things changed gradually without their notice.

They met each other again the very next day at a friend’s party, both surprised to see each other there. Not really interacting because of the previous day’s incident, having presumptions about the way the other is. The next thing she knew she was standing right in front of him in a cafeteria near her office building. Of course, they both recognized each other and that was the first day they talked like sane, normal people, though like strangers, but normal. He told her that he worked in the same building she did. They had never seen each other before, but now they couldn’t help but notice. They met at the entrance once, while leaving from work and were chatting for around 30 minutes when they realized they both had to leave. That’s when they got to know that they both stay in the same vicinity, so they traveled together that day and a week later, everyday. They exchanged numbers not long after they met at the entrance and met in a coffee shop a few weeks after that. They both had plans of meeting other friends but ended up spending around 4 hours in the same shop and canceling their other plans. That was the first day they connected and talked so much. She was a bubbly girl, he was a decent and sophisticated chap, but both were fun loving and full of life. They could gel up well and never had any preconceptions about things or people. They could never stop talking to or about each other.

The day he proposed to her was the best day of her life. She was expecting it and he knew it, but he did confess his feelings and she couldn’t help but feel the happiest about it. But they both had expectations from their lives and had some gongs to bang before taking any step further.

Today, they were both sitting in the same coffee shop they had spent their first crazy hours talking, with their wedding invitations in hand, waiting for their friends to join in the celebration. A year had passed since he had proposed to her and they had decided to give it time. Their families knew they were the best suited and would keep each other sane and happy. Life played with their chances of encounter. They never realized but it kept pushing them towards each other. From the very first accident to the chain of events that kept happening, it was all written. Today when she thinks about it, it feels as if she was blind. Why didn’t she see all those signs? She picked his hand and kissed it, not being able to believe it was real. He said, “You are mine”. She smiled her most beautiful smile and his heart skipped a beat yet again.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

You have my word…

When I say the word commitment, what’s the first thing that strikes your mind? Is it affection, relationship, a promise or may be even marriage. Very rarely do people give it a broad thought. Not just relationships, but commitment can be applicable for many other instances and at many different levels.

Different people have different definitions for this term. For some it’s dedication, it’s desire, some say it’s prioritization, for some it’s respect and for some it’s truth or trust. According to me, these are all just ways to follow or keep a commitment. Commitment is giving your word for something, it’s a bond, a promise. You can be committed to many different things, to many different people at many different levels at the same time. You could even be committed to yourself at many different levels, for that matter. Yes, of course you can commit to yourself, however bizarre that might sound.

It is definitely not a piece of cake. You are tested by fate at every level with patience, situations, truthfulness and sincerity. Sincerely fulfilling a commitment is indeed a testing fact of life. Not at all an easy choice but definitely a significant one. But do commitments change? I asked a few people around and trust me people do take commitments very seriously. At least in their words they do, you never know if they actually try to fulfill them or just give excuses for not being able to do that. Changing of commitments is not like changing of priorities. You commit to something, you fulfill it, or at least I feel so. Our priorities keep changing depending upon our commitments. Your work commitments, your personal commitments as well as your self commitments are different and have different level of importance given by you, yourself. But are you sure you have it all sorted? My point with all this is to know if you really do understand the difference and if you have achieved a balance with your commitments accordingly.

Like I said, every commitment for every other person holds a different level of significance. For some, their work commitments could be important and for some their personal commitments. The third option is often neglected by many. It depends how seriously we take them. If you have a commitment towards your work, it means you have to show results. But it also depends what all are you ready to do in order to achieve them. You may simply continue working and not make much of a difference, or take added steps to make your results different, prominent. The same goes with your personal commitments. You live your life, you feed your kids, you keep your husband and in-laws and even your parents happy. But do you really take an initiative to make that life a little more interesting or happier? Routine is not interesting. Your self commitments play a very important role with respect to all your commitments. If you cannot keep the promises you make to yourself, well, then you have a lot to catch up before you take big vows. Just doing your duty is not fulfilling your commitments. This term is a huge part of your life and it needs to be treated accordingly, given its due respect.

Now, over to a tougher question, when would you say you have broken a commitment?
You promise your 3 year old a chocolate once you return, but while pulling your car out of the parking lot, when the thought crossed your mind, even if you could go to the store on the way, you ignored it.

You have a plan with your fiancee, but your boss calls in for a last moment meeting, and rather than leaving a message or calling her to tell her that the plan has been postponed, you simply walk into that room and instead of wrapping up quick, you stay further. 

You have a client waiting for you but you have had a long tiring day. You call the meeting off just because you can’t take it anymore, ignoring the fact that the client has also adjusted the time for your meet and also has been through a lot.
That’s breaking a commitment. If you can’t take a hint there, I don’t know how else to explain this better.

Time, I always feel is your own personal property. You are the sole owner and you are the only one who decides what to do with it. You take it on a toll you take it for a ride, other elements are always going to be there to watch the show and give in their inputs. Sometimes you can’t really help it, and obviously your people understand. But you need to understand that your words are the only thing that can make a difference. Also, the way you put them through. All this is for the next time, anyway.

Commitments are not easily made nor easily broken. I should be rather using the word “shouldn’t”. They are different from promises and it’s high time people understand that. When you sign that bond you are tagged with the company, when you sign those marriage papers, you are committed for the lifetime. We can always wiggle our way out. But staying is what matters. Choose for yourself, your choice is going to make a difference for you.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Connecting The Connections…

Connections are very necessary for us to lead our lives and stay happy. We need interaction we need people around us, we want us to be around people. But to what extent do we need people and people need us? There are some who find the need to stay connected all the time

I feel sometimes, I’m not worth relationships. I have emotions but they are practical emotions. I’m not a bitch, I’m just good at moving on. I’m not really selfish but not selfless either. I stand by people but not after they walk out on me. I walk out on them but after trying and stretching on the league. Isn’t that is what being practical means? I guess, I just believe in individuality.

Wish life was a little simpler. Wish we didn’t always have to define things or decide between right and wrong. It doesn’t feel free in the so called free world. We are always in a web, a connection. People think they always need to be in touch with the ones they are close to. They keep on going, talking to each other day in and day out. Texting, chatting, calling and even stalking has become everyone’s definition of connection.

I ask why? Can’t friends who meet after a few weeks, rather than a few hours be the closest? Do couples who talk just once in a day, not love each other? Is it really that necessary to literally stick to each other, spend time with each other, as if it was the last day of you two living together? People sometimes misunderstand interference with communication. You need to stay communicated, and by that I mean, you need to give enough time to know what’s happening in someone’s life, and not rule it. The people who do that, later end up realizing that they are fed up of the person they are with, as everything is getting suffocating. Why do it at the first place then? Everyone needs their own space. No matter what you do, you need to understand that all of us are different individuals and we all have our own, self defined views. Also, we need to respect the fact that, our partner or friend or any individual for that matter, has a personal opinion about something, just like you do.

Relationships don’t really mean anything to us when such feelings come up. We look more into getting away from each other, rather than trying to make things work. Even if a person is your best friend, you need to know your limits while suggesting, advising or even behaving with that person. Let alone best friend, even with your husband/wife, your parents or kids for that matter, you have your own limitations. You don’t rule someone’s life but yours, and hence it’s important for you to not impose your views on someone. So if a person doesn’t want to share something, it’s nothing about you. It’s just a person own space which in question and every person deserves it. The more you run behind something, the more it runs away from you.

Connections are pretty delicate. You need to be very careful when managing them. They can make your life good and they also have the power to ruin it. But after all, it’s always in your own hands.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Distancing…

He always remained silent and low. Staring down at his coffee, making faces at each sip but, somehow always relishing it. Rarely could anyone see him smile except before leaving the coffee shop, where he used to spend at least an hour of all his evenings without fail. Once the owner, unable to repress himself, asked him if he was in any mess or needed any help. He looked at the owner, lost in his own thoughts, and said, “Step-up to your realities when you still have time. You feel you are good at leaving things behind but you need to listen to someone sometimes. Life gives you a second chance, but you usually don’t realize it until it’s too late.” He took another sip from his cup, wincing. “Why do you drink it if you don’t like it?”, the owner asked. He just stared at a distance, at a woman walking across the road.

A smile lingered on his face, bringing back all the memories of him and her together. Her smile, her laugh, her cries and moreover her pleading for him to stay, everything flashing right through his eyes. The taste of her coffee and a distant glimpse of her was the closest he could be near her.

He paid the owner and left, to come again the next day, wishing he had listened to her and hadn’t been adamant then.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

There’s no tomorrow…

Tonight the sky cries, tomorrow there won’t be a sunrise
The muck will be muckier, and the clouds will never get clear

There would be trees falling, the envelope lightening
The kids will get in their beds earlier, for there is so much fear

 

The heaven resounds its laughter, there would be nothing but emptiness, forever and after
Every life seems to be drowning under its own breath, every life is sure of just death

People cling to each other, care, love, help and protect everyone, call each their brother
They laugh, they cry, they sing songs and on each other they rely

There are no barriers no discrimination, no killing or fighting, just a clear, loving formation
Love becomes their soul’s best side, for they now realize they cannot alone pass this dangerous tide

Just then the pouring turns into drops, and the evil laughter finally stops
The sound resounding is of no more to fear

This is all I always asked of you it says, the one who breaks this formation surely makes everyone pay
The path further is too wide and not at all narrow, stick together you fools for you need to realize and live everyday as if there’s no tomorrow…

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

The Farewell…

“And we would then go to places and spaces where we wouldn’t have to define anything, nothing at all. So when do we start?”, she asked playfully, from a different world. “Come out of your imaginary world”, he said sternly, not looking at her. This snapped her back to reality. He drew a long drag of his cigarette and crushed it in the tray near the windowsill, thinking. She watched him closely with sad eyes. Her world was falling apart in front of her own eyes. It was difficult for her and she knew it was difficult for him too, even though he didn’t show it. 

She knew he wouldn’t budge but couldn’t help asking him this same, unanswered question time and again. Hope was all she was left with. She wanted to yell at him, scream and shout, resounding her heart. But she knew it was of no use. She smiled, reaching out to him. With one hand on the side of his face and pecking him on the other side, she turned and left for never to return.

He stared into the nothingness outside the window.

From Your Valentine

Every year in the month of February, all of sudden, every lover realizes that he or she has fallen for that special someone. There are number of friends trying to help and give advices. New “love-gurus” turn up out of nowhere (who, are usually singles or the flirtatious types). Advices flow from one corner to another, rules are shared and plans are made. Between all this, there are n-number of “days” in which that special someone can get a hint of these special plans. These “days” are namely, rose day, chocolate day, propose day, teddy day, kiss day, and hug day, in which most of them are completely meaningless. For instance, I don’t get why there should be a propose day when that is exactly what people are supposed to do on the Valentine’s Day, if I’m not wrong that is. A friend of mine, while discussing this came to a conclusion that may be it is something related to guts. As in, if someone is skeptical to ask the other person out on the Valentine’s and spoil his that special day, that person can ask the other person out on Propose Day so that he or she is saved of the embarrassment and sorrow. Also, if the person accepts, they can simply plan their Valentine’s and make it special.

Note: These days don’t actually have any chronological order so you may skip that, pretty irrelevant.

The most important question that comes to my mind every year during this week when every being is all gaga about the Valentine’s special plans is that why do we need to have a Valentine’s Day at the first place? I mean, come on, do you really need one single day in the year to make your love feel special? Do actually say that love, when accepted or proposed on this day is the only one which is real and true? You have anniversaries to celebrate your love. Why Valentine’s then? We can actually see just those very faces talking rubbish about each other just weeks after their so-called “goochi-moochi”, “awww-ish” Valentine’s special event. And on top of that, the competition! People spend sumptuous amount of their, or usually their parent’s hard earned money. Is this what love is? Spending mindlessly, making a show-off and propaganda of your so-called feelings for someone, and being proud or revengeful at the acceptance or rejection of a person whom you will most probably forget in the coming weeks, months or years? Love is not something which you need to keep showing. It is something which is very, very personal and close to your heart. No matter what the person does for you to make you feel special, you know somewhere deep down that you are always special to the person and vice-versa.

Love is standing upright behind your loved one in their phase of turmoil. Not just being happy in their happy moments but being supportive in their sad or troubled moments is equally important. When you love someone, there is a sense of maturity that grows in you, which lets you respect and protect that person. This is one of the best feelings in the world and something which cannot be explained or rightly portrayed either. There is no right way of showing love. Your love is called matured when you move out from calling each other girlfriends and boyfriends to accepting each other as Partners; a very important but unnoticed change which is only understood by the two of you. There come times when you might disagree at some points, not like some things which your partner does, but this doesn’t mean you can pull them up to get things done your way or pull yourself out and part both of your ways. Things are thought from brain and felt from heart. The simplicity of love is what makes it all special, not some random Valentine’s which decides the destiny of your relationship.

I’m sure half of the ones celebrating this day do not even know why it is celebrated. This is in the memory of Saint Valentine, who was imprisoned for getting soldiers married who were prosecuted under the Roman Empire. During this imprisonment he was said to have healed the daughter of the jailer. On his last day he wrote her “from your Valentine” as a farewell. Such a noble thought by a noble man and it is sad to see it being tampered upon by such ridiculousness.

Our generation is blamed by the older generations for many reasons. But this is one reason for which I won’t. There is nothing wrong with expressing love. The only thing you need to take care of is just let the purity of the feeling be. Do not make a fun of it. It is a very tender and one of the most amazing feelings. Treasure it.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!